I read this post about parenthood just now, and while my head is still a bit hazy from me feeling sick I find that I too have an opnion to share about parenthood.
While I agree with some of the points of this article, there is still some points I have come to change my own perspective on.
I am not only irked by those people who spout out "You made the choice, you made your bed now lay in it" comments. It completely and utterly frustrates me.
It is true that I chose to have children. Just like people choose to not. People choose aspects of their life, but the truth is life in general is hard. It has ups and downs just like most things. You can't have the good without the bad, because then the good wouldn't exist without it. Food for thought.
While yes, I have children and others don't, I am tired of people's attitudes that we should just suck up the fact that raising a little person is hard and keep it to ourselves. It's because of that attitude that most people really do clam up, smile and nod their heads like the world is full of rainbows and tigerlillies. Judgemental as people are, we quietly endure because no one "wants to hear it" and because "we chose this path in our life."
So does that mean we as parents are supposed to be the super heroes you see in the comics? We're just human. We get worn down, we get frustrated, we get frazzled, and our time is constantly consumed by our little ones. I admit I am exhausted on a near constant basis, and sometimes even I need to vent about the frustration. I'm not trying to say "omgosh I hate my life, it sucks." but it IS hard. Just because parents need to vent, doesn't make them horrible or miserable. Get real.
Are you kidding me?
It makes people human, and sometimes admiting we as humans have flaws and faults reminds us of the things we really need to continuously work on.
On another note, even if I do feel frustrated and lost and wanting to vent I take a moment to think of the good things about raising a child. As a mom who doesn't get to see her two oldest boys I have to really pull into perspective how the frustration and exhaustion is somehow worth more to me than a silent house without a squeaky giggle or tiny arms that hug me.
I think there needs to be a balance between the two. While I don't condemn being able to vent to close friends I feel sometimes people can take it to the extreme. I get it. I've done it. I've felt so frustrated and overwhelmed I've had to find an ear to vent to. It wasn't until I gained a new perspective that I reeled that in a bit.
But those who don't have children, who are so indignant and so beligerent in telling us parents to suck it up. It's a good thing you don't, because I'd like to see how you feel when someone tells you to shut up and keep moving on.
I really don't like having my feelings invalidated for a choice I made, just like I don't invalidate the reason why some people don't want children. It's fine, I get it, some people just don't want children. I'm not about to make them feel bad because they didn't want to. It's their choice, not mine.
Oh, and for those parents who have the "perfect" child filled lives where you don't get frustrated, frazzled and or even have those moments of sheer and utter disgruntledness. Lucky you.
However, that doesn't give you the right to judge someone else's lives or reactions to a life YOU are not living.
Just because you handle it beautifully, does not mean everyone does.
We are all different, we all handle the same situations differently.
We are not you. I am me, not you, him or they.
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